Some days I am overwhelmed by a consciousness of the interconnected web that is the human experience.
I'll look down and ponder the many people who touched the bracelet on my arm--from the person who created it in a factory on the other side of the world, to the clerk that placed it on a rack for me to buy--and everyone in between. Everything we are, we own or believe is a product of something that was conveyed to us and as we move through the world we hand off our possessions, beliefs and ideas to others.
We are all part of a larger whole that has been constructed, and re-constructed since human consciousness appeared in this world.
And I feel it. Really feel it.
Not just as an abstract idea, but as a web that vibrates across space and time. I feel it in my heart and soul; and in ways that I can't even articulate with language.
When I was a young girl, I felt these things too much. I spent a good part of my youth and young adulthood either hysterically crying or trying to numb my feelings with drugs and alcohol. I lived at the mercy of my nature.
As an adult, I've found healthy and productive ways to manage my extreme sensitivity. It's not always easy, but it doesn't override my ability to think and act in ways that are good for me and my community--and that's as good as I can hope for I think.
Today I sit, perched like a dewdrop, on the web of humanity, feeling the tremors and reflecting the light to the best of my ability.
So believe me when I say this: the darkness of human nature - she who created this web - is looming. For whatever our pretty, airy ideals the truth of our existence is that it has been spawned from something dark and voracious; a thing that seeks to survive at all costs and entraps those who fight her.
I feel her creeping across the web now. I also feel the panic of those who are fighting against her; and of the frantic movement that goes suddenly still and silent when they are consumed by her.
We can destroy the web, but we can't destroy our maker. She will produce another web the same, and we will continue to fight not to be consumed, and this is how we will go on. Because this is who we are.