I try my best to not be a negative person or complain a whole lot during the year. Instead, I save it all up and release my disgruntledness in a single cathartic list which I share each December 23, in the grand tradition of Festivus.
So without further ado, here they are... My 2019 Grievances, Aired:
Grievance #1: Not being able to watch TV when I want to because someone has either misplaced the remote control or the television setup has been reconfigured and I can’t figure out how to make it work. Both of these things happen at an alarming rate in my house.
Grievance #2: Internet Influencers. May they all fall into a giant pit of obscurity and be forced to look at themselves unfiltered 24/7 for all eternity, AMEN.
Grievance #3: People who sit on the Twitter app all day on their iPhone, and also obsessively Google information on Chrome, and also buy copious amounts of mass-produced crap on Amazon whilst blaming Facebook for the downfall of civilization. Y’all. Come on now.
Grievance #4: Raisins, my eternal nemeses.
Grievance #5: People who have convinced themselves that being an activist for any valuable cause gives them a moral license to treat other people like shit. This is even more annoying when it is the people on their own team they are treating like shit. BUT I DIGRESS.
Grievance #6: People who have achieved a certain level of knowledge and awareness, but rather than allow it to turn them into empathetic humans who are dedicated to helping others come into the light, they decide that it’s more useful to affect an air of self-important disdain for anyone still living in/practicing ignorance and spend most of their time in cliques with like-minded people talking mad shit about everyone that doesn't live up to their standards.
Grievance #7: People who want to use the internet for everything they do, but flat out refuse to try to understand even the most basic elements of the technology that underpins it.
Grievance #8: People who say that invasive technology isn’t really a concern if you have ‘nothing to hide.’
Grievance #9: Perfectly intelligent and educated people who constantly resort to logical fallacies as they spout off their opinions, while maintaining an insufferable air of superiority about their positions. It would be hilarious if it weren't so annoying.
Grievance #10: Twitter users who sanctimoniously proclaim themselves “exhausted” after voluntarily sitting on that godforsaken platform all day, spewing their guts to strangers, beating their heads against a brick wall by arguing with an unending stream of people that they don’t know from Adam. The martyr complex is really disingenuous, my dudes.
Grievance #11: People who worship political ideologies, placing more attention on theoretical fixes than realistic solutions.
Grievance #12: Organizations and movements that depend almost exclusively on free labor - physical, academic/intellectual, professional, emotional, spiritual or otherwise - and treat anyone who insists on actual compensation as a filthy capitalist with a shriveled heart who just doesn’t care enough about the cause. Fuck off.
Grievance #13: Losing weight is getting exponentially harder every year of my life, and I'm pretty fucking pissed off about it.
Grievance #14: The entire concept of “flyover states” - just keep flying, assholes. We don’t want your coastal elitist bullshit here anyway.
Grievance #15: People who use their device speaker out loud in any public place. This includes music, phone calls, video games, YouTube videos - WHATEVER. Get some gotdamn earbuds.
Grievance #16: Canceling people. Fuck you, cancel yourself.
Grievance #17: Public discourse as: "OMG DID YOU HEAR WHAT ABC SAID ABOUT XYZ?” "DID YOU READ WHAT SHE TWEETED?” - This? Is not deliberative democracy. It's high school. #ugh
Grievance #18: The bi-annual time change that happens in the United States. This is absolute LUNACY and I, for one, am sick and tired of it. DELETE DST YOU COWARDS.
Grievance #19: Multi-level Marketing.
Grievance #20: The fact that I have to wait in the same line to order a cup of black coffee as people for whom ordering a caffeinated beverage is performance art.
Until next year, good people.